ホーリーながらデート: すべての火災, クエンチなし

この物語に記載されている写真は、記載されている実際の人のものではありません.

ネイト

私はのためにネイトを愛したいです 3 年間, 私たちは私の開始前に1ヶ月を解散. 彼は私が彼に頭を与えていない受け入れることができなかったことを発声しました 3 数ヶ月も彼のために規則を曲げるために私の拒否, 叫んで “私はどうなの??”. 私はそれがフェラチオ程度少なかったと思います, 私の標高について、より, これは、彼とは何の関係もありませんでした. (リズは、常に彼は私の光を曇らせ述べました。) 私は私の精神的な探求を尊重することができなかった男が私の愛に値するしなかったことを決めました, 献身, またはハニーポット. 彼のかんしゃくは、同じ質問をして私を残し –

私はどうなの?

ネイト後, 私はIyawoとして自分自身に残るだろうと解決しました. 別の心配なしに完全に開発するために利己的です. 私は誰に私の体を負っ.

恋人

…But before I decided to cap off my civilian life and become an officer in the army of priests, I called an old Lover over to my home to wish me goodbye and good luck…in every way that he could muster. And he did. Boy, was he creative. I had rug burns on my back and a smile for days. Upper-arm strength and some drinking water can go a looooong way.

Anck Su Namun

During my first three months, the time when I couldn’t be touched (like the Egyptian courtesan Anaksunamun), this old Lover would text me, and we’d fantasize about the times when we were together, and the times when we’d be together again. By month two, I’d abandoned the thought that I would remain to myself as a Iyawo…私がいた bout tuh DIE. I’d sometimes bathe just as an attempt to cool myself down, only to end up with more steam than when i’d started. I could, not, WAIT until the three-months was over, because then I could let the fire out like a temple cat from her cage. Meeoooooooow.

At my 3-month ritual, all things checked out well and the Orisha were pleased with me! (I admit…I was rather nervous from all the sexting). There was also a special word from Oshun – she was sending me someone special, a meaningful romantic relationship, that year. Wait whaaat? I didn’t ask for or expect that…

How can I meet someone fa’ real as an Iyawo? Who’s going to want me like this?

The old Lover must have circled the date on his calendar in red – as my godmother left, he sent word that he was coming into town. “Let’s catch up…can I stay with you?” Some days later, he was standing in my living room again – shirtless, dark, muscular, and waiting on a command. He gave me my first hug from a man in three months…and just held me there. I was overwhelmed, dizzy, beginning to sweat… but submitted to let myself be hugged. To be touched. To reacclimate to physical affections. I felt his warm chest heave against mine. I felt the scruff of his beard on my neck…it was so hot in the room. I couldn’t let him back onto my familiar mattress, and instead lied down with him on a pull-out twin bed in my living room – there was no room to go or be anywhere else, but on each other.

I was so afraid that I couldn’t breathe. A solitary tear rolled out of my eye, overwhelmed by the energy of proximity that I’d taken for granted all of my sexual life. We laid there and cuddled flipped and pretzled each other’s legs. He breathed hot on my back. Laced his fingers through mine like shoestrings. Pressed his skin against my white gown; I kept it on and pulled down, like a Trojan.

But nothing more. Before he left, he asked for a kiss, and I couldn’t give it to him. I felt twelve years old again. I walked him out in the next morning, and soon collapsed into a ball on my living room floor, feeling triumphant over the fire of lust – a first for me. I didn’t succumb to an insincere lover, who was never good for me anyway.

I’m a priest now. Everyone who knocks at the temple gate isn’t trying to pray.

Three months of no sex came and went. Then four. Then five. Then six. I was burning up. 私は怒っていた. I was living a tragic comedy. I developed an immunity to masturbation. I was tired of listening to Jill Scott’s “Celibacy Blues“. I decided that if I was going to create a new (セックス) life for myself, I might as well start dating.

氏. Waters

I considered him a student of mine, because i’d once given him interview training. But he would never accept this title and was a few years my junior. He was so very handsome, and so very intelligent. I’d never have dated him in college, but he was too cute now. The truth is, he was young, eager, and sexaaaaay. He gave me my first kiss as a Iyawo, a lovely tongue down after walking me to my car after our first date…and I liked it. A bunch. Standing in the middle of the street, then against my car, shameless. “ああ…I reMEMBER this,” 私は思った. But I couldn’t “ditch the panties” for him. Nawl. “He just doesn’t understand what i’m going through.” I invited him over one night for a sleepover, and I wore a nightcap and some white pantaloons from a botanica…I fetched not na’an piece of sexy that night. We had two dates, and I never saw him again.

Jose

He was Puerto Rican, and a child of Shango, who courted me for a while. I was able to speak in Spanish or English with an older man who understood my life and was preparing to become a Iyawo himself. He was so handsome, although I was confused by his affinity for Coach man-bags and tweezed eyebrows…apparently this is a Latin cultural thing. But he had good taste, evident in a canary yellow leather Coach wallet he bought for me…supposedly because it was Tuesday. Is this the one Oshun told me about?? I accepted the gift, and the fact that I’d found a cultural confidant. He wanted to be a fireman, and soon set me on fire. I decided that he would be “The One”. はい, i’d become sixteen again. After our one night of makeshift hunching, where I cried and begged him “Please don’t hurt me…“, I never saw him again. Silly Iyawo…you live and you learn.

Trust Issues

Nate used to blare Drake’s “Trust Issues” at maximum volume. He had serious issues, and I learned that I did too. I was afraid of being used for my new spiritual Ase/Engery/Prana/Qi, and still held on to instances of vampirism from times past. I began a forgiveness meditation, with citrine crystal positioned on my second chakra, every night to rid myself of emotional baggage. And by some account, every lover on whom I meditated would reach out to me the very next day, without fail, until I exhausted my list.

Minor Players

There were a few coffee dates with men from other countries. Bowling and karaoke with a Nigerian. Coffee and soup with an Ethiopian. I started to love dating men of different cultures. My sister was amused, and said that I was dating the “United Colors of Benetton”. After one date, I never saw any of them again.

Baptiste

I met him at a rally, and he eyed me like a strange and uncaged bird. He was Haitian, and I was a dark woman who wore all white and wouldn’t let him see my hair and gave short answers about my peculiarities. He was ensnared. He was so very dark, and witty, with perfect teeth. He always asked about my hair…fantasized about how it looked underneath the covering. Is it short? Is it long? Is it wavy? Do you have locs? Can I see it? When can I see it?? I learned how much men fantasize over what they can not see, or have…the arousal created solely by the hungry and unsatiated imagination. After a few dates, I decided that i’d invite him over and get to the business…an attempt at redemption from the Puerto Rican failure over a month before. He was apprehensive – “I really like you…and I don’t want to mess that up.” With seven months of sexual dissatisfaction in the bag, I disregarded his reasoning, and convinced him to go for it.

We’re adults. We should be able to have sex and continue on as we please.

も…he went all Trey Songz and preceded to Diiiive In Iiiiit!!! When my head wrap finally came off, he didn’t blink nor give comment. He came before we had sex, blaming an inefficiency. “I only get one nut,” 彼は言った. I looked for Ashton Kutcher to walk through the door, but instead it was Elegba (the divine trickster, often represented by an erect fallice…think the Hindu lingam) in the room laughing at me instead. Desperate, I offered – “あなたが知っている…they have things that can help that? Ginseng…acupuncture??” I never saw him again.

I’m thankful for Baptiste, as he provided powerful lessons in my year.

My sexual familiarity had left me. My old Bag-O-Tricks was empty. Despite attempts, I was no longer successful if my efforts were seeped in sexual manipulation and selfishness – すなわち、. I’m just trying to get my rocks off. I’d have to find a new way to be and express Sexy.
As much as I was afraid of being used, I had willingly attempted to use someone against their desires and better judgement. If I desired healthy sexual relationships for a change, i’d have to offer something more than a hot honey pot.
Fa real…it was time to be much much more sexually selective. Throwing out a few spiritual words like chakra や ancestors doesn’t qualify one to come and worship in the temple.

Kahlil

I left work on the Monday following the Zimmerman verdict, and headed downtown to walk off the weight of of sorrow from the judicial blow. He walked by me with a little boy, and I could overhear him trying to explain the concept of racial injustice to a 7-year-old – his son. I snapped a picture of them from behind, and somehow he knew. We ended up meeting further down the path, and the first words out of his mouth to me were “Are you [a child of] Obatala?” We became quick friends, chatting on the phone for 3, 4, 5 夜の時間…every night. His godfather knew my godmother. 彼もIfaのを聞いて自分の欲望に言及しました, 運命のオリシャ, 我々はお互いに可能性が誰. 彼は私の髪想像しました, 私は布を調整するために移動したとき、私は彼の目は広げる参照してくださいね. 彼は夕食のために来てね, または長い散歩に私を取ります. 私は彼の息子のためにスーパーヒーローのマントを作りました. Is this the one Oshun told me about??

そしてある日, 彼が引き離さ. 私たちは一緒に寝てみました, しかし、それは本当に働いたことはありません – 彼は突然、片頭痛を取得したいです. 私がいた, 再び, 私たちの性的不能でイライラ, この時点で私のオリシャで叫んで始まりました. しかし、私は、新しい性的な現実の真実を受け入れるために自分の肉を乗り越え. 愛の遊びの欠如にもかかわらず、, 我々は近い友情を保持しました. そして、私は彼を愛し, 心から.

ディーパック

私はトラやゾウについて一晩夢を見ました, そして翌日の夜に私たちは私たちの最初の日付を持っていました. 彼は私のお気に入りのレストランで私に会いました, 私たちは宇宙で私たちの場所の私達のそれぞれの理解について話しました, そして、私たちの生活の中でご利益. 私はトラが彼の精神の動物であることを知りました, そして、私はすでに象は鉱山の一つであったことを知っていました. いくつかの日付を超えます, 彼はインドの文化について教えてくれました, 世界中のと彼の旅. 彼のシーク教徒のブレスレットは、はるかにObatalaのための鉱山のようでした. 私は彼の西洋の教育を賞賛しました, そして、彼の東の精神. 彼は私が司祭になっていたことがそんなに尊重しました. 私はリズallahtahmに彼について噴出いただきたいです – 彼女は悲鳴と思います, 親友がそうであるように. HEはOshunが話したものです?? 彼はまた、私の髪想像しました – それは何のように見えるん? それはどのくらい長いですか? When can I see it? セックスの最中のみ, あなたが言います??? そろそろ, 私は、性的不全の10ヶ月を生きてきたいです, 彼は私がした方法の全てを志願したときに私はほぼそれを失いました “とてもセクシー…”. 我々はまた、一緒に寝ることを試みました, それはまた、動作しませんでした. 多くの初期の情熱, 彼の告白によって停止 “私は私がその後の感情に対処する準備ができていますかわかりません。”. 私たちは、この日まで友好関係を維持してきました, そして私は彼が好き, 心から.